Friends; or the lack thereof

by wewriteourownstories

In truth I guess I really don’t have any real friends. I do have one friend who I always call my best and closest friend, but the feeling I guess may be one sided. And ever since he moved in to his new flat with his girlfriend, he just doesn’t have the time to game with me, much less, catch up like we use to.
The boys from my school, I’ll ask them out occasionally for food or drinks, and they’ll come, but other than that, they have actually never taken the initiative to contact me first unless they need something from me. It has always been me asking them to meet up.
Recently I’ve had a new bunch of gamer friends, if you’ve read my previous entry, I’m referring to my indonesian bandit brothers. They use to ask me to play every night and it was really fun. The group grew really big. But our RUST server has been down for a month now. We play DotA 2 together, but I guess the novelty of me being a female gamer has started to wear off. People who use to stay up till 8am playing with me till they go to school, has slowly stopped logging in all together. I guess hype can only last that long and it’s left me feeling alone; lonely; realizing that in fact, no one really cares if u’re dead or alive. Will any one weep if there were news of my death I wonder. Or will they just feel pity along with a slight sadness onset by guilt.
Some times I wonder what’s wrong with me? I treat my friends well, I don’t backstab them nor front stab them. I’m loyal, open and honest. Yet no one so much as take initiative to contact me. It has always been me contacting them, though when I do ask them out, they are always all in, they don’t make excuses to not see me or meet up, they would take time off their schedule to have ice cream with me. And we’ll always have an awesome time catching up, talking about random things, learning new things from each other.
I don’t get it.